Never Let Go
by CaptainSwanLuver
Summary: After returning from the Underworld, Emma won't let Killian out of her sight and they must deal with her fear of losing him again.
**Title** : Never Let Go

 **Author** : Steph aka CaptainSwanLuver

 **Rating** : G

 **Pairing** : Killian/Emma

 **Characters** : Killian, Emma

 **Category** : Romance/Drama

 **Spoilers** : 5x21

 **Summary** : After returning from the Underworld, Emma won't let Killian out of her sight and they must deal with her fear of losing him again.

 **Note** : Thanks for the responses to 'World's Best Mom'! Still haven't recovered from that reunion scene! I know we probably won't get it but I have a need for some post-5x21 clinginess from Emma. So here's my version of that. Hope you enjoy it! ~Steph

 **...Never Let Go: Part 1/1...**

That first night, Emma lay awake, staring at him. It didn't feel real, having him back, having him lying beside her in bed.

She couldn't get over how gorgeous he was and he was all hers. She loved the way his lips slightly parted and little puffs of air escaped through them. His eyes fluttered and she knew he was dreaming. Emma wanted to touch him. She wanted to press her lips to his, but she resisted. She knew he needed his rest.

She would have to be content with simply admiring him, something she thought was lost to her forever.

...

The following morning, she woke with a smile upon her face before she even opened her eyes. He had come back to her.

Emma's arm stretched to the place beside her, but she found it empty. Her eyes flew open and she bolted up in bed.

She was terrified it was all just a wonderful dream. Maybe it wasn't real at all. Maybe he hadn't appeared behind her in the cemetery. Maybe she hadn't run into his arms and kissed the living daylights out of him. Maybe it was all just a dream she wished she could live in forever.

Her eyes were wide with panic now, as they scanned the bedroom.

"Killian!" she screamed. "Killian!"

Emma saw the door to the bathroom swing open and he appeared in the doorway.

Her chest deflated in relief at the sight of him. His brow furrowed with worry as he hurried over to her, sitting on the bed beside her.

Emma threw her arms around him, burying her face in his neck and clinging to him.

"What's wrong, love?"

"I woke up and you weren't beside me. I was afraid it was all a dream," she mumbled into the skin of his neck, as her tears slipped down her cheeks.

Killian rubbed her back. "I'm right here. It was all real."

She pulled back and cupped his face in her hands. "I'm never letting you out of my sight again."

Killian arched an eyebrow, a grin upon his lips. "That could make day-to-day life rather difficult."

"I don't care. I'm never letting you go."

Killian brought his thumb up to swipe at a tear on her cheek. "Who am I to argue with that?"

"Come back to bed," she said softly.

He obliged, crawling into bed beside her. She immediately slid her body against his, placing her head on his chest and coiling her arm around his waist.

"Let's just stay like this forever," she whispered.

His hand stroked her hair. "I'd like nothing more."

Emma swallowed hard. "I knew you were down there still suffering, you know. I knew you wouldn't be able to move on until Hades was defeated."

"I was frightened for you, Emma. I knew I needed to try to help you."

Emma smiled. "Do you realize we make a great team even when we're in different worlds?"

Killian laughed softly. "I told you from the start we make quite the team. I knew if I could get you what you needed to defeat Hades then you would be able to do what you do best: succeed.

Emma's expression grew serious. "I only wish Robin didn't have to pay the price."

"That wasn't your doing," he said.

"Hades never would have been in Storybrooke if I hadn't gone to the Underworld in the first place. But how can I regret it when I eventually got you back?"

Killian shook his head. "Robin died protecting the woman he loves. He understands the sacrifice of true love, Emma. He wouldn't blame you."

"But I bet Regina does," she said softly.

"Emma, don't do this," Killian replied with a sigh.

She propped her chin up on his chest and met his eyes. "How can I not? I have you back. I'm lying in the arms of the man I love and Regina is mourning the loss of a man she loved again. She blamed my mother for losing Daniel, she blamed me for the return of Marian. How can she not blame me now for losing Robin?"

Killian caressed her cheek. "She's more forgiving than she used to be, Emma."

"I have everything I ever wanted Killian. I am so happy right now. But my journey to the Underworld to save the man I love resulted in the death of the man she loves."

"Can I ask you a question?" he said, his eyes flitting across her face.

"Of course."

"If the situation had been reversed, would you have gone with Regina to the Underworld to try to save Robin?"

"Yes," she replied without hesitation.

"And if in the end, Robin returned to Regina, but you lost me, would you blame her?"

Emma chewed on her lower lip. "I'd like to say no, but, honestly, I don't know. I know the pain of losing you all too well, Killian. I can't be sure I wouldn't want to blame someone for taking you away from me."

His thumb and forefinger moved to rest on her chin. "Well I can be certain. You wouldn't have. It's not who you are. And I don't believe it's who Regina is anymore."

"So you aren't worried that this loss could bring out her evil side again?" Emma asked.

Killian shook his head. "When she lost Daniel, she had nothing to hold onto and that led her down the wrong path. I know all too well what that's like. But she has Henry and her sister now. And Roland is an orphan. I believe Robin would have wanted Regina to raise him. She has people who love her and depend on her to help keep her on the right path this time."

"I hope you're right," she said.

He waggled his eyebrows at her, a smile pulling at his lips. "Love, don't you know by now? I'm always right."

Emma laughed softly. "Well, you were certainly right about Hades. We never should have trusted him."

"I suppose we had to take the chance. It was the only hope we had. And I doubt we ever would have defeated Hades if he hadn't left the Underworld. I never would have had the opportunity to find the key to destroying him."

Emma nodded, as she settled her head back on his chest. "Robin lost his life, but at least those who go to the Underworld now will have the chance to move on without Hades standing in their way."

Killian's hand trailed across her bare back. "Now we can focus on the future that we have fought so hard to have."

Emma smiled. "I can't believe I'm lying here in your arms discussing our future. Not even 24 hours ago, I was facing a future without you."

Killian simply pressed a kiss to her forehead.

...

She awoke the next morning and found his spot empty again. Her heart dropped into her stomach for a moment until she heard the shower. She breathed a sigh of relief and then smiled as she got out of bed.

She walked to the bathroom and quietly opened the door. Her eyes landed on his bare form visible through the shower door. Emma licked at her lips as she quickly shed her nightie. She opened the door and slid inside without him even noticing. His back was to her and his eyes were closed, as he allowed the warm water to fall over his body and soothe his aching muscles.

Emma wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her head against his slick back. Killian's eyes flew open in surprise, as a smile sprang to his lips.

"What a pleasant surprise," he said.

He turned around to face her. Emma stared up at him, her smile suddenly fading. Killian couldn't tell if it was water or tears upon her cheeks. He brought his hand up to her face and brushed some strands of hair away.

"What's wrong, love?"

"I don't like waking up without you," she said softly.

Killian leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. "I'm right here."

He then wrapped his arms around her, as she rested her head against his chest and squeezed her eyes closed.

...

"What do you say to a walk by the water and lunch at Granny's?" Killian asked, as he and Emma sat curled up on the sofa drinking some coffee.

Emma shook her head. "I was thinking we could just stay in today. I'm not ready to share you yet."

Killian smiled. "I understand the sentiment."

Emma rested her head on his shoulder. "I say we just stay right here forever. We never have to leave this house. We have everything thing we need right here. And when we run out of food, we can have some delivered from Granny's."

Killian could tell from her tone she was joking, but there was something in her eyes as she lifted her head and looked up at him now that told him it wasn't entirely in jest.

"Swan, people might not miss me, but the lack of your presence would certainly not go unnoticed."

Emma tilted her head. "You'd be missed, Killian. Those people that risked everything to go to the Underworld did it for you."

Killian smiled sadly. "I'd like to believe that, Emma, but I'm not naïve. I know they did it for you."

Emma shook her head. "They did it for both of us. And they know you would have done the same for them. Face it, Killian. You have people that care for you."

Killian's tongue darted across his lips shyly, as his eyes lowered. "It's been a long time since I had people who did things for me because they cared, rather than because they were following my orders."

Emma brought her hand up to caress his cheek. "Get used to it."

Killian nodded. "I'll make every attempt." He paused and then asked, "So how about that walk and then Granny's?"

Emma shook her head firmly and then settled it back on his shoulder. "Maybe tomorrow. How about we spend the day binging on Netflix instead?"

"Emma," Killian said softly.

"I want to stay here just you and me a little longer, Killian." She paused and added in a whisper, "It's safe here."

Killian let out a deep breath. "Emma, I'm fine. Nothing will befall me if you let me out of your sight."

Emma coiled her arm around his waist. "I'd rather not take any chances."

Killian sighed heavily. "We can't stay holed up here forever, love, as much as I'd like to."

"Just one more day," she breathed.

Killian nodded and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "One more day."

...

It had been four days and they hadn't left the house since they had arrived back from Granny's after they had revealed Killian's resurrection to everyone. Emma didn't want to leave their perfect, safe cocoon.

That morning, she walked down the stairs and found Killian putting his leather jacket on. Her eyes widened in alarm.

"Where are you going?"

"The Jolly Roger. If I'm going to make this home my permanent residence then I am going to require some essentials." He paused, his voice softening. "You do wish for me to join you here, don't you?"

Emma nodded enthusiastically as she came to stand in front of him. "Yes, of course. I know I was the Dark One when I bought this house you picked out, but I always thought it would be our future."

He grinned. "Wonderful." He turned toward the door. "I'll only be a few-..."

Emma grabbed her jacket. "I'll go with you."

Killian's brow furrowed. "Love, that's not necessary. I'm quite sure you have better things to do. You should probably check on Regina."

"My mother said she's refusing to see anyone."

"Okay, then how about Henry?"

"I'll go with you and then we'll go see Henry together."

Killian sighed and took Emma's hand in his. "What's going on, love?"

She shrugged. "Nothing."

"Emma, I know you far better than that. You know I can tell when something is wrong."

Emma dropped her eyes, as tears filled them. Her voice emerged barely above a whisper. "I'm just afraid if you walk away from me then you might not come back. I'm afraid I'll never see you again."

Killian swallowed roughly. He knew how hard this had been on her. She had lost him three times, three times she had said goodbye to him. Given her history of abandonment and loss, it didn't surprise him that she was now struggling with the fear of losing him again.

He brought his hand up to her chin so that she would meet his gaze. "I'm not going anywhere, Swan."

"You don't know that. You can't make that promise." She sucked in a ragged breath. "I couldn't bear losing you again, Killian."

"You're not going to lose me. I didn't cheat death only to leave you again. I didn't help defeat the god of the Underworld to miss out on the future we have fought so hard to have."

Emma shook her head. "But we don't know what the future holds. Regina didn't know she would be mourning Robin. We are constantly battling villains and dealing with curses. Our lives are always in danger. The possibility of losing you again is real, Killian."

Killian nodded. "You're right. I can't promise you that you won't lose me again. And you can't promise me I won't lose you. But we have been given a second chance, Emma. We have been given the most precious of gifts: time. I said we already had more time than we were meant to and I stand by that. The time we have been given now is a gift that should not be taken for granted or wasted. We must make the most of every moment."

Emma bobbed her head. "That's exactly what I'm doing. I want to spend every moment I can with you."

Killian smiled gently. "Love, I don't mean that we must spend every waking moment together, as much as I might like that. You have responsibilities. You have people that need you. I'd love to have you all to myself, but that's just not possible."

Emma sighed heavily. She knew he was right. She just couldn't rid herself of the fear that if he walked away from her then she might never see him again.

She stepped back from him. "Okay, you're right. Go to the Jolly Roger. I'll go see Henry."

Killian smiled and nodded. "How about I meet you at Granny's in an hour?"

Emma's lips curled into a smile. "I'll be there."

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. Her arms wrapped around his neck and he felt her cling to him longer than necessary.

They pulled back and she met his eyes. "I love you," she said.

"I love you," he replied.

He then pulled away from her, Emma's hands lingering on his arms until he was out of reach. He offered her one last smile before walking out the door. Emma watched him until he disappears from view. Her heart sank into her stomach.

...

Emma sat in a booth at Granny's, nervously tapping her nails against the table. She kept looking at her watch. He was 15 minutes late. Emma's eyes kept darting to the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of him at any moment. Everytime the door opened her head would whip in its direction and her heart would sink when she realized it wasn't him.

What if something bad had happened to him? What if she never saw him again? She knew it wasn't rational but she couldn't help how she felt.

Ten more minutes passed and Emma began to panic. He knew she was waiting for him. He knew she would be worried if he didn't show up on time. She was convinced something must have happened to him.

She was about to call her father, when the door swung open and Killian sauntered in. Her chest deflated in relief. Killian sat down across from her.

"Apologies for my tardiness, love. I got waylaid. Apparently, some of the dwarves decided to make my ship their new home when they thought my death to be permanent. I had to set them straight."

"I was worried something had happened to you," she said softly.

Killian reached out and placed his hand over hers. "I'm fine, Emma. I'm sorry for worrying you."

Emma swallowed hard. "I don't want to be like this. Constantly worrying, clinging to you. I just...I don't know how to let go."

Killian squeezed her hand in his. "It's going to take time, Emma. You've been through a great deal. We've been through a great deal together. It's natural that you would feel this way, especially given your history. But you won't always feel like this. One day, you will wake up and find my side of the bed empty and you won't immediately fear I'm gone. One day, I will be late meeting you and you won't worry something happened to me. You must just allow yourself time."

Emma smiled. "You always have known just the right thing to say to me."

"It's a gift," he said with a grin, as he leaned forward and placed a kiss to her lips.

...

Weeks later, Emma woke to the warmth of the sun upon her face. Her hand automatically stretched over to Killian's side before her eyes even opened. She found his spot empty, but for the first time her heart didn't drop into her stomach. She opened her eyes and smiled at the slight indentation he'd left on his pillow.

She climbed out of bed and walked into the hall, her ears filling with sounds from the kitchen. Emma made her way down the stairs. A smile spread across her lips as she stood at the entrance to the kitchen, her gaze landing on Killian standing at the stove. Quietly, she made her way over to him. She came up close behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest, as she rested her head against his back.

A grin appeared on his lips at her touch. "Swan, you've gone and ruined my surprise."

Emma chuckled softly. "What surprise?"

"I was preparing you breakfast in bed."

Emma arched an eyebrow. "What for?"

Killian placed his hand over hers and then brought it to his lips, as he placed a soft kiss on her knuckles.

He then turned around to face her. "Do I need a reason to treat the woman I love?"

Emma felt a blush creep into her cheeks. No man had ever cherished her the way Killian did. It wasn't something she was accustomed to.

"No, I guess not."

"Good," he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Because from my perspective, I owe you far more than scrambled eggs. I owe you my life."

Emma dropped her eyes. "You're the one who made it possible to bring you back to life, Killian, not me."

He shook his head. "I meant this life I have with you. You gave me a life I didn't dream was possible. Living here with you, spending every night in your arms, waking up next to you. It's better than I could have ever imagined. And it's all because of you."

Emma met his gaze, a smile on her lips. "I feel the same way." She paused for a moment. "This morning was the first day that I woke up and I didn't panic when I didn't find you beside me in bed. I wasn't scared that it was all a dream or that I had lost you."

Killian bobbed his head, his eyes sparkling. "I told you it would just take time."

Emma nodded. "You were right. Every moment we have together is precious and I refuse to waste them worrying about things beyond my control."

Killian leaned down and placed a kiss upon her lips. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

Emma laughed lightly. "Not since last night."

He shook his head. "Well, then that must be remedied immediately." He paused and brought his hand up to her cheek. "I love you with all of my heart and soul, Emma."

"And I love you with all of mine," she whispered, as she brought her lips to his again.

Killian's hands threaded through Emma's locks as he pulled her flush against his body and deepened the kiss. Emma pulled back a moment later and sniffed the air.

"Is something burning?"

Killian gestured with his hook behind him, his eyes still focused on her lips. "The eggs I was preparing for you."

Emma reached behind him and turned the stove off. Her gaze met his again, eyes dark with desire.

She curled her fists around his t-shirt and tugged him even closer to her. "That's okay. I'm hungry for something else entirely."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Is that right?"

"Breakfast isn't what I want in our bed. You are," she said, her voice low.

Killian licked at his lips. Emma snaked her arms around his neck, as he lowered his hand and hook to her bottom and lifted her up. She wound her legs around his waist, as he brought his mouth back to hers, his tongue plunging in.

Somehow, he managed to make it to the stairs and then up them, as Emma moved her mouth from his and trailed it along his neck. When he finally made it to their bedroom, he gently laid her down, as he hovered above her. Emma brought her hands up to cup his face, as tears appeared in both of their eyes.

No words needed to pass between them. None were necessary. They spent the rest of the day letting their bodies do the talking and knowing that they had a great many days just like this one to look forward to together.

...THE END...

Thanks for reading! I'd appreciate any feedback you'd like to give. ~Steph


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